Carnie Life Ends

We bid adieu to the Circus yesterday. I thought at times the end couldn't come soon enough (non-stop partying can get exhausting for an introvert), but once it arrived I was so sad. We had a traditional goodbye Leo (a beer "tradition" according to the Toastie King, a coworker named after his frequent late night 7 eleven runs for Toasties) and a big hash brown breakfast from Big's Little Cafe (serious must have Pai breakfast) w a crew of 10 fellow carnies who then cheered us on as we parted ways down the dirt road - and of course I was in tears.  

When we left, a portion of the transient backpacking community at the circus seemed to have leveled off for a few weeks with staff plus some longer-term residents. The rapport was on point and I really felt part of this strangely lovely, weed/alcohol/Toastie bonded incestuous little family. What follows are some quotable notes I took somewhere between the hours 11am to 4am during our 3 week stay...

  • "I don't know who sober me is anymore."
  • "My ex of 5 years would only ejaculate on my face, because he was very Catholic."
  • "I hate getting told I'm infected."
  • "I almost ate Jack's balls." (Jack, the now neutered yellow lab)
  • "My penis has been described as really fucking handsome."
  • "I can fit 30 ecstasy tablets under my foreskin."
  • "When we had sex he would make me listen to live music. He pretended the applause was for his performance."
  • "Getting choked out is like DMT, this is a game-changer."
  • "It distinctly states in the Pai Circus rules that we do not provide drugs for guests, however if you leave the premises and walk 200m to the right you will find _____, where you can purchase a bag of weed for 500 baht."
  • "I am going to miss you, I can't wait to see you grow up on Facebook."

We talked about normal things too, like our digestion and how Thai food was wrecking havoc. And who was banging who (cheers to one Brit, who averaged 2-3 girls every 24 hours for weeks on end). And which staff hut was a rockin' the night before (a real standing ovation goes to Mexican Undercover/Quadzilla). I baked brownies and banana bread from scratch with Thai ingredients (not thai weed) and both were a success which was as much of a shock to me as it should be you. Over 20 of us broke out in the Lion King theme (ayyyy sapennnaaaa...) when someone held up a fat joint. 

Pai Circus. A place where all the weirdos are welcome, most extend their stay and the days melt into nights. It's like the last day of summer that never ends. 

Time Travel

I time traveled today. in Amy Poehler's book she refers to time travel - specifically that all of your life experiences are multiple points of reference. These separate points (separated by any amount of time) can be seamlessly brought into one experience when certain things align (stay with me here).


I experienced this today on Lake Tahoe. In 2006 I graduated and decided to use my graduation money to buy my first puppy, Olive. 2 weeks later I went on a 2 week trip with then boyfriend and left Olive and then cat Bazoo to be watched by a friend (who did a shit job, enter scene: mom guilt). We went to San Fran, Sacramento, Napa and wouldn't you know it, Tahoe. to the exact spot I found myself in today - Emerald Bay. 

I recognized the lake, but only after hiking down did I realize that I had been here. Exactly here. And laid in the sand and done a sand angel. And now. Just now. I realized that I book-ended Olive's life in this precise location. The first time feeling guilty because I was vacationing away from my brand new puppy, this time feeling guilty because I didn't bring my baby girl's ashes with me to commemorate her life.

It's ok though, once I'm ready to let her go she will go some pretty cool places.