Aged, Aging, Age, Agh. Nudity.

When I was 4 my best friend Timmy Ulbrich took his shirt off on a walk through Como Park. Not to be out shined, I also took my shirt off. After a few minutes, self doubt flooded in and I asked mom to please return my shirt because I was "cold".

where my babiez at? nope.

where my babiez at? nope.

Today I turned 32 and while reflecting on different ages, I feel the same as I did when I was 18, plus some key lessons.

At 18 I had just left Buffalo for college in Boston. College, a place where the small circles of friends from a tiny all girls high school didn't apply. Friends of all shapes and sizes were possible, gay Filipinos, beefy black men and Long Island Jewish princesses. I made them all. And some enemies too - like a douchey hockey player who I told off in the cafeteria (Pat Noonan, hiiiiiiiii), and my bipolar freshman roommate who slept all day on the top bunk, and the "friend" who picked me up in front of a group of friends and held up my skirt so everyone could see (thanks rape-culture!).

So much of that time and my 20s was spent focusing on the next step and appearances. 2 years ago something snapped though, and it started with my foot - in 8 places. Breaking my foot and totaling my dream car was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Insurance wiped out 20k in loans and the accident recovery coincided with my 30th birthday, a milestone that is oft met with panic and expectations (dafuq where my hubby and babiez at?). For me it was a joyful celebration of how lucky I was to be alive.

Just 2 short years later and I'm shocked at how much things have changed and keep changing. Just this week I went to a topless beach and did headstands & cartwheels as my 32 year old boobs sunned themselves.  I didn't even feel "cold" once.

Crash

My nickname at 16 was crash. Cute right? The Botzenhart Brothers (our mechanics) named me that after frequent (monthly) visits to their shop to fix my 3 (4?) car accidents that year. Now at 31 my grand total is 14, and 3 of those accidents totaled said vehicles. 

Yay money! Yet somehow I worked it so that in high school to always had 2 jobs which covered the accidents and insurance premiums, and then in my twenties it just seemed like insurance rates couldn't keep up with me. The frequent moves? Constantly changing aliases? Sex operator phone skills? However all that spending had to have had its toll. Now for the first time I dive into the true ramifications of putting me behind a wheel... (numbers are approximations due to prompt destruction of records post-calamity):

  • Accident 1: hit the house with the neon, damage to siding and car - $350
  • Accident 2: ranger, hit the cement barrier in the garage at the galleria - $200
  • Accident 3: ranger, falling off of a cliff in canandaigua - $250
  • Accident 4: ranger, hydroplaned into another vehicle - $250
  • Accident 5: ranger, totaled by a semi truck - $0 (it wasn't my fault!!!!!)
  • Accident 6: totaled a rental car - $0 (thank god for rental insurance...)
  • Accident 7: scion, let dumb bf drive and he ran a red, got t-boned - $500 + renting a car $300 (yes I paid, my poor dating decisions is a separate topic)
  • Accident 8: scion, reversing back into an intersection - $500
  • Accident 9: equinox, rear ended a truck - $0 (no damage)
  • Accident 10: equinox, side swiped a guy who was high as a kite, totally my fault but when I mentioned a police report he peaced - $0 (same day as accident 9)
  • Accident 11: mini cooper, hydroplaned after intersection - $250
  • Accident 12: mini, side railed by another vehicle - $0 (woooo, not my fault)
  • Accident 13: mini, took a left turn into a vehicle passing me - $500 
  • Accident 14: mini, totaled on the pike - $500 + miscellaneous broken foot fees... $1000?
  • Insurance ranged $60-120/mo during this time and I was not driving during 4 years while in college: $90 x 12mo x 11yr = $11,880
  • Car payment years were 2006-2014 ranging $250-450: $350 x 12mo x 8yr = $33,600

Assuming an 8% interest rate and compounded interest from the middle age of my driving years (16-31 = 23 years), this $50,080 would equal $1,269,001.25 at retirement. 

And that is not including gas, excise fees, planned maintenance and tolls...

OK, so kill me.

This is part of why I chose to be car free as of 8.6.15.

car-bike-commuter-eco-boston