Closing out a life remotely is a world of stress and simultaneously freeing because you have NO CONTROL. 


My mind keeps jumping to the list of things I want to get in order back in the states, yet the quieter voice inside of me says... Let go. This is such a paradox for someone as OCD and organized as myself. I'm pairing down my earthly belongings to a 50L North Face bag and whatever my dad can fit in the back of his F-150. To be fair, I only started with a studio apartment <400sq ft, but this is extreme. 

Today I called dad to arrange for the grand pickup and of course he quelled my fears and anxieties... "If you came home to your apartment burned to the ground you'd be thankful you didn't still have a dog in there and that your landlord was safe." Truth. So anything I get from the apartment is really just a bonus from the fire gods. Things I want:

  • contact lenses
  • Olive's ashes
  • perhaps a few workout / travel clothing options 

But really, the latter even seems excessive. Whatever I get I have to carry with me now. The things I am carrying are starting to mean less to me. It's this weird shift in your mindset where each item is a symbol of its function. What can I use this tanktop for (day/night/adventures/etc)? Is it comfortable? I do have 4 dresses with me, but I have a feeling that if I found a really kickass pair of shorts I'd gladly drop a dress or two. 

What an exercise in letting go. So what do I have in my 50L bag? Here is the current rundown, I'll update this post w addendums as I perfect the mix:

  • 2 pairs workout shorts
  • 1 pair jean shorts 
  • 4 dresses 
  • 2 sports bras, 2 regular bras
  • 5 thongs, 1 pair mesh booty shorts (duh)
  • 3 bikinis (this will increase)
  • 1 sarong
  • 1 pr lululemon capris
  • 1 pr bali pants
  • 4 pairs socks
  • 2 tshirts, 1 workout tank, 6 tank tops
  • 1 sweatshirt
  • 1 pr each: nike free, reebok hiking shoes, tevas, havaianas
  • 1 north face shell
  • 1L ziplock of toiletries
  • 1 small cosmetic pouch
  • 1 small accessory pouch
  • 1/4 cup of olive's ashes in a small tupperware (she's currently frolicking around the world from napa to the gili islands)
  • 1 iPad (exclusively used as a reader for kindle books, debating it's necessity in my life)
  • 1 iPhone (I'll be switching to Samsung once I secure some income)
  • 1 small acer laptop purchased this week 
  • 1 passport carrier, also used to store credit cards etc.

Now that it's all listed it feels really excessive... Time to wean down!