En-Gagged

A year ago none of my exes were married or engaged. While creepin' the interwebs this week I saw that one of them is newly engaged. The same one whose Match profile said "never married", but had been divorced 3 years prior (FUN FACT: almost all of the food in his fridge and pantry was also dated 3 years prior). 

Of note: We broke up in May. 

It gets better. 

I should have broke up with him after a month. I tried to, but it didn’t stick. He was needy and insecure and it was making me crazy. Remember in Twilight how the wolves (om nom nom Jacob) imprinted on the one they loved? Becoming completely obsessed and at their beck and call, willing and eager to forgo all of their own interests for this paramour figure? Yea. That. He is a really sweet guy though. The type that you always think back about and know that you never woulda' had to worry about anything had you been a gentler soul and partner. 

However I'm all angles + mostly bristles, and after 2 months I kept asking myself... "But how am I growing aside from extending the time-frame it typically takes me to snap?" 

psychiatric-help-engaged-dating-blog

Providing the ultimate clarity in our incompatibility was 5 days post breakup when I received a 40+ minute audio recording through which he revealed through tears and multiple dramatic pauses:

  • He was in therapy again (due to our breakup)
  • The happiest he had ever been was during his time with me
  • He could see how tender and broken I was on the inside and he could help
  • He had been looking at rings... you know, the engagement kind...

The question that all of my friends and I had was if his therapist had encouraged this voice recording? I'm fucked up, we're all fucked up, it's the fucked up club - but the weight that was lifted when I let the relationship go was so intense that I could not even bring myself to go on a proper date for over 3 months. The emotional drain I felt was so exhaustive and intense. I guess the lesson from this one was that although I thought I might be compatible with someone so very in touch with his emo-side that I over-reached for the goal and probably am better suited to more of a man's man...