Meaning. We are all searching for it and for so many joy and meaning are derived through a home in the 'burbs, marriage and having children. But that linear path has not been for me. I even map out a storyline in my head of how it could go and what feelings I would have... Or how it could work given my current place in the world. But really, life right now is sweetly surprising, though at times challenging and continually forcing me into unknowns. Those unknowns are showing me how to adapt and grow as a person. After 5 mos. of communicating with a man I'd never met, continents away, we basically moved into the world together. Now our lives are running on parallel tracks. For two fiercely independent creatures we have our moments where we look at one another like... "Dafuq...?"
I'm starting to crave some stability though - regular check-ins with family and friends, a secure line of income, choosing the dive school we will enroll in and a general idea of which direction around the globe this journey might go. Also regular bathroom habits. I cannot stress enough how much the concept of "regularity" flies out the window for someone accustomed to a western diet.
But full control and western creature comforts? Hell no. Yesterday was my favorite day (so far). A group of us from the hostel traveled with some locals via motorbike and tricycles to a Nagtabon, a remote beach with stunning views. I learned how to motorbike a semiautomatic, we had hammocks, fresh grilled fish, pork + rice, played volleyball, sang along to a ukulele, and took in the breathtaking views with gratitude in our hearts.
And now here we are, sitting in a van en route to El Nido with Israelis, Germans, and an American from Seattle - jamming out to his band's reggae EP created while they were trippin' ballz. I wouldn't spend the holiday season any other way.