All In

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23 days ago i met a man. Since then we hopped around Indonesia as i became his (first!) girlfriend, he broke up with me (the breakup only lasted 3 days, I'm irresistible, let's face it) and he asked me the gravity-filled, yet simple question... Do you want to go back?

I didn't. after weeks of travel and a year and a half of life altering and dramatic events (broken foot, olive's death, best friend moving, 2 career moves that panned out to be less than expected, debt payoff, burning man, hit by 2 cars, my pilot's death...) my perspective on what a complete and fulfilling life had been turned on its side. And so, this mysterious and wild man is here. In front of me. In the pool in Bali and our flights leave in 2 hours. Fuck.

I am a fully established 31 year old woman, with a wonderful apartment and loving landlord (oh Frank, 87 years old and just as fiery as me), pulling in >80k each year, with a great network of friends and family all over the states. So i answered what any logical insane + in love woman would... I said no. Then we proceeded to cancel our flights, quit our jobs, text a couple friends and get schmammered in the pool bar with a bunch of 20-something Aussies. #lifegoals

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Now what in the fuck is next? Next... Such a strange idea once you completely throw normal out the window. For starters, money does not in fact grow on trees here in Bangkok (home for 3 nights) as i had hoped, so we need to make money. I have a few digital marketing gigs that will help float me for a while (bought a laptop yesterday!) and in a few weeks we enroll in a divemaster course on some magical island. 

Additionally, my brain is starting to normalize to this idea, but I generally have a mini-panic-attack at least once / day. Luckily there's meditation, someone to hold me, and the general realization that I escaped death numerous times over the last year and so every fucking second is a blessing and I should just stop taking my life so seriously. So now deep breaths + full speed ahead.